Finding Glory Read online

  Again, he shoved those thoughts down deep where no one could see them. His life and the life he wanted to give Amanda Jane was going to be about fulfilling her needs, not thinking about his own that went unanswered.

  There was no changing the past, only living in the present.

  I like your face.

  He supposed that was good, because upon close inspection, she did look very much like him.

  His brain turned all of these things over again and again, like a cement mixer—combining these thoughts in on themselves, keeping them fluid as he drove back to the small farmhouse on Seven Sisters Road.

  He knew Gina wanted to stay there, but even in a small town like Glory, your address mattered.

  Amanda Jane waited on the porch, legs swinging and ponytail bouncing in one of the rocking chairs. The door was open and Gina pushed through, handing Amanda Jane a picnic basket and a tote bag while she closed and secured the door. He was glad she’d never fallen into the habit of a lot of residents of the town, especially the ones who lived out in the country, who never locked their doors.

  Gina wore another pair of those pants with the pockets and his line of sight was immediately drawn to the flare of her hips and the round curve of her ass.

  He was so taken by that dangerous curve that he drove over a garden gnome that stood so brave and welcoming near the gravel drive.

  Reed swore and hoped mightily that it wasn’t something Amanda Jane had any overwhelming attachment to.

  And at the sound coming from his put-upon Audi, he realized they were going to be a little late to Frogfest.

  This was the universe reminding him to keep his mind on his daughter, not on Gina. Message received, loud and clear.

  Gina ran to the car. “Are you okay? What happened?”

  “I think your garden gnome tried to kill me.”

  The car made an unhappy sound and he switched off the ignition.

  “Guess I’m driving.” She grinned.

  “That wasn’t...anything special, was it?”

  “No. Just something that was in the yard when we moved in. The previous renters left it. Although, Amanda Jane might make you have a funeral for him. His name was Bostwick. She broke his brother, Fenwick, last week.”

  A funeral, for a garden gnome? If that’s what she wanted, he’d do it.

  It must have shown on his face. “Look, um...I hope it’s okay, but I don’t want you to spend a lot of money on her today.”

  “Why not?” He’d planned to do just that. He wanted to spoil her rotten.

  “She worked for her spending money. Even for her tickets to the rides. She weeded the garden, kept her room clean. I want her to enjoy spending what she earned and I want her to understand how far her money will go. And I want her to know that if she can’t have something because she doesn’t have the money, that’s okay, too.”

  It made sense to him. He didn’t like it, but he understood. “I understand, I do. But you have to understand that there is going to be a bit of spoiling going on in the near future and yours isn’t the final say.”

  “And yours is?” Her tone wasn’t confrontational.

  Or at least he didn’t think it was. The T-shirt she wore clung much too tightly to her breasts for him to think clearly. “No, we’ll have to compromise.”

  “So neither one of us will get our way is what you’re saying.”

  “Basically.”

  She laughed. “I guess I can live with that. So, do you mind riding to Frogfest in Bill?” She pointed to her tiny, aged Kia.

  “Are we taking the KiaPet? I wanted to ride with Daddy,” Amanda Jane said without any hint of a pout in her voice.

  “Daddy is riding in the KiaPet, too.”

  Daddy.

  They meant him. He was Daddy.

  That was still quite something for him to wrap his head around. There was so much hope and expectation wrapped up in that one word. Not just Amanda Jane’s, but his own. He’d never expected to wear that title and now that it was his, he didn’t want to screw it up. He didn’t want to be anything like his father. Or Gina’s father. He had this fey vision of himself that he knew wasn’t real. Couldn’t be. No one could be all the things he wanted to be.

  “Aren’t you?” Gina prompted.

  “Yeah.” He nodded and followed her to the car. He’d worry about fixing his later. It’d give him an excuse to spend more time with them—if he needed one.

  Bless you, Bostwick, he thought to himself. He’d given his life for a good cause.

  With Amanda Jane buckled in her car seat in the back, and all of Gina’s bags loaded into the trunk, they headed toward Riverfront Park and Frogfest.

  The whole town had come out for the festivities as they always did with every fair or festival. At the first strains of the carousel music, Amanda Jane’s energy was practically frenetic. Or maybe that was Reed himself? He suddenly found that being here with Amanda Jane brought back all of his childhood joy at the prospect of Frogfest. The park had been closed off and the entry gate had been made up to look like a giant bullfrog head.

  Activities had been divided up into things for older kids, like the octopus ride, and the ball pit and inflatables were for younger kids.

  “She’ll bounce in the inflatable for a good hour and a half.” Gina smiled.

  Then, he saw the kissing booth.

  That brought back a lot of memories.

  Crystal, Amanda Jane’s mother and Gina’s sister, had worked the booth one Frogfest and it had been the first time he’d kissed her. So many memories in this place.

  Gina followed his gaze and said, “Oh, lord. Look who’s behind the booth.”

  It was Gina’s lawyer, Emma. She headed over to the booth, laughing as she went. “What are you doing?”

  “Isn’t it obvious? I lost a bet.” She scowled, obviously unhappy to be there.

  “That’s not a very kissable expression on your face.” Reed threw in his two cents. It wasn’t just unkissable, she looked downright hostile.

  “It’s not supposed to be. If I don’t look kissable, no one will kiss me, right?”

  “Isn’t this to raise money for the hospital auxiliary?” he asked.

  “Yes, and they can damn well get someone else if they want to make any money.”

  The jar was abysmally empty. Reed dug a five out of his wallet and stuffed it in the jar.

  “Buddy, I hope you’re paying me not to kiss you.” Then her eyes narrowed. “Gina can handle my light work.”

  He looked at Gina and her eyes had widened so far that she looked like a small animal in the glare of an oncoming truck.

  If she’d been any other girl but Gina Townsend, he would’ve taken her up on Emma’s offer and kissed her senseless. Because he didn’t care about kissing any other girl but Gina. But he wanted to kiss Gina more than he was comfortable admitting.

  “I paid you, Frog Lady.”

  “I hope you don’t think I’ll turn into a princess.”

  He smirked, but instead of kissing her grudgingly proffered cheek, he took her hand and kissed it like a gentleman from days of yore.

  Emma blushed, all of her prickly demeanor gone. “You, sir, are dangerous.”

  “No, no, no. That’s all wrong,” Amanda Jane said. She pointed at Reed and then at Gina. “You are supposed to kiss her. And she will turn into a princess. I know these things. Grammie told me.”

  Gina was the first to respond. “Nope. I’ve got both my shoes.”

  “You’re confusing fairy tales again, Gina-bee.” Amanda Jane didn’t seem amused. “Do it correctly, please.”

  He loved that she was like a mini-adult. She was so polite, but knew exactly what she wanted and how things were to be done. She would find that frustrating as she grew up, but it would also serve
her well. She reminded Reed a lot of what Gina had been like as a child. She’d had this amazing intellect that had been completely wasted on those around her. Even him.

  “Correctly? I’m too old to be a princess. You, on the other hand, are just right.”

  “She can be queen and me the princess?” She seemed to consider the scenario for a minute. “I suppose that could work.” Amanda Jane still sounded doubtful.

  Reed knelt down and embraced her carefully, giving the child the opportunity to squirm away if she didn’t want him to hug her. Instead, she flung her thin arms around his neck and he dutifully placed a kiss on her cheek.

  “I like this game.” She planted one on his cheek in return and then ran to the ball pit.

  Her affection and expectation of such came so easily. He thought of all the ways people could use that against her, could hurt her. He found he couldn’t breathe.

  “I know, right?” Gina said quietly. She understood.

  “You’re all doing it wrong.” Gray’s voice surprised him.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you were going back to the city?” Reed asked as he got to his feet.

  “I had to try out this infamous Frogfest. I heard there were going to be carnival games and maybe an exhibition match of some local talent.” He shrugged. “I see everyone takes these things seriously around here.” He eyed Emma.

  “If we did it wrong, maybe you should show us how it’s done?” Gina cast a sly grin at Emma.

  Emma’s gaze cut to Gray so fast, Reed was sure he actually saw it slice the air. “You wouldn’t dare.”

  “Oh, I more than dare. Especially since you think I wouldn’t.” He pulled out a hundred-dollar bill and stuffed it in the jar. “That’s the best reason to dare.”

  “Damn,” Emma whimpered.

  “You got that right.” Gray grabbed her and bent her over the back of his arm and kissed her.

  Gina lifted her chin and nodded at Reed. “That’s what she gets for calling you light work.”

  Reed laughed. “Oh, really? Well, compared to that, I guess I am light work. He’s got a lot more game than I ever did.”

  “It’s for a good cause, anyway.” Gina shrugged. “Sorry Amanda Jane put you on the spot like that. I’ll talk to her if you want.”

  “No, it’s okay. I think it’s probably pretty normal. We’re her caregivers. Wanting to see us that way is searching for a kind of stability, I imagine.” Reed remembered having those same wants as a child with every new man his mother brought home. After a while, he’d gotten numb to those wants and eventually, started dreading each new encounter because it was always the beginning of the end.

  Gina’s expression changed from light and open to concerned as she spread out the blanket and arranged the bags and basket just so. “Do you think she feels like her life is unstable?”

  If he were more of a bastard, he could use this moment to pounce, to give himself the upper hand for further negotiations. But he didn’t want Gina to feel unsure of her choices. He knew that she’d done the best she could. Once he got past his own issues, he could see that.

  “No. An unstable child wouldn’t ask for what they want like she does. She expects all of her needs to be met because they have been. You’ve done a great job, Gina.”

  He didn’t expect her to melt into him the way she did, for her arms to lock around his waist and for her to bury her face in his neck. Reed embraced her carefully and tried not to think about how good she felt wrapped in his arms.

  How good this whole day was turning out to be, despite having murdered Bostwick the garden gnome.

  “I’m sorry, I just...I’ve tried so hard. I wanted her to have better than we did.”

  “And she does. You’re a good mother.”

  She broke away from him and everything in him wanted to reach out and pull her back against him. “But I’m not her mother.”

  “You are in all ways that matter. You’ve been a good father, too. You’ve been everything. But you’re not alone now.”

  Gina’s eyes fluttered closed. “You know, when I took her after Crystal died, I told them they couldn’t just give me a child. What was wrong with child services that they could just hand this child over to me?”

  “I would’ve felt the same way, but I would’ve been right in my case. She’s happy, healthy, smart and kind. What more can you do?”

  “I guess keep doing what I’ve been doing.” She looked away from him to scan the ball pit and then back at him. “So this is really happening, right? We’re getting married?”

  “Yeah. If you say yes.”

  “I think there are some things we need to talk about that weren’t addressed in the agreement.” She took a deep breath. “Are you dating?”

  That was the last question he expected from her. “What?”

  “Dating. Seeing someone. Hittin’ and quittin’...” She used their old high school slang for one-night stands.

  “Uh, no, Gina. None of that.”

  “Me, either. I don’t want a string of people in and out of her life.”

  Her answer unknotted something tight in his chest. “I don’t really date at all. So that’s not a problem.”

  “Why not?” She cocked her head to the side and looked up at him.

  Her eyes were so clear, like the cloudless sky, and her bow mouth was pursed waiting for his answer. The distance between them began to disappear slowly but surely as he leaned in, perhaps to tell her a secret.

  He hadn’t intended to kiss her, but he found himself leaning forward, anyway.

  “Daddy! Come play with me,” Amanda Jane yelled.

  Her voice startled Reed out of whatever spell had drifted over him and he launched himself to his feet and went to go play with his daughter.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  HAD REED BEEN about to kiss her? Gina wondered.

  The more important question was, would she have let him?

  This kind of complication was the very last thing she needed.

  She pressed her fingers to her lips, imagining just what she would do if he did kiss her. After kissing him back, of course. The part of her that wanted to know what it was like to kiss Reed Hollingsworth hadn’t grown out of it, perhaps never would.

  She’d spent much of her teen years wondering what it would be like if he ever turned to her, if he ever leaned over ever so slowly, what it would be like. Would her world explode or dry up until it was nothing but dust?

  Would his kiss be like a man’s or a boy’s?

  She’d been infatuated with him as a girl, but now that she was a woman, all of those thoughts and feelings came rushing back tenfold.

  But for him, she wondered if it was part and parcel to playing house with her. He suddenly had this ready-made family and maybe he figured she was just part of the deal. Take her, keep her happy, or maybe it wasn’t even that blatant.

  Gina flopped back onto the blanket and stared up at the bright, endless ocean of sky. A gentle breeze played over her hair.

  She’d spent so long trying to make sure any prospective boyfriends understood that Amanda Jane was part of the package, she forgot that she wanted someone else to want her for herself, too. She’d always kind of assumed that was a given.

  Nothing could ever be so easy with Reed. He made her doubt herself on all fronts without even trying. In fact, he’d been nothing but encouraging and she found that she desperately wanted his approval.

  She’d never worried about anyone’s approval but her own.

  Until now.

  Now her stupid brain wouldn’t do anything but think about why he’d almost kissed her, and what would’ve happened if he had, and if it was a sign from the universe that Amanda Jane had called out to him when she did.

  Didn’t she have enough on her plate?
r />   Apparently not.

  She watched father and daughter play in the ball pit. The easy affection that had blossomed so quickly between them. Gina decided that maybe he’d be a great father, if he’d let himself.

  Then Gina decided that she might be the most horrible person on the planet.

  It was always in the back of her mind, sometimes the front, that Amanda Jane was her niece. Crystal had been her mother. Gina’s poor, tragic sister. It hadn’t had to end like it had, if only she’d fought more, done more...

  But thinking about Crystal having this with Reed...days like today. Moments like the last one where he’d almost kissed her, it made her jealous. As jealous as she’d been when they were in high school and she kept waiting for Reed to notice that she was pretty, too. That she was smart. That she was the one who really wanted to be with him.

  For the first time, Gina thought that Crystal hadn’t deserved these moments.

  Who was she to judge? She knew Crystal’d had her own demons to exorcise and she knew there were things that lived in the shadows of memory that had always had a tight fist around her sister’s throat. She wouldn’t trade places with her for anything in the world.

  And she couldn’t build her dreams on the hopes of her sister’s pain and suffering.

  She’d just have to make herself right with things the way they were. And that definitely meant no kissing. This would be a marriage of convenience. A business partnership so everyone got what they needed, most especially Amanda Jane.

  Except if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t want that. She wanted this version of white picket fences.

  She shook her head and realized it was only the leftovers of a childhood dream. Not of Reed, but of how she always thought life was supposed to be. It was like a family sitcom where there was a mom and dad and everyone lived together in an average split-level with a yard that needed mowing and cars that needed washing.

  She wanted Amanda Jane to have that.

  Hell, since she was so stuck on honesty right now, it wasn’t just for Amanda Jane. It was for her, too.